The Problem with Checklists
From the time that you go to your first doctor’s appointment with a newborn baby, checklists are used to determine whether a child is where they are supposed to be developmentally, behaviorally, socially, etc. At first, the lists appear helpful. You are supposed to be this weight and this height, making “sufficient” gains over time, and your parents should be using the latest techniques for burping a baby, amongst an immeasurable number of other things. These checklists help to make sure the child is healthy and that we’re not missing any important health concerns. They just make sense…right? And so, these checklists go unchallenged. However, soon the checklists become more like measuring sticks with some pressure to act now or else! What if a child is not walking or talking by their first birthday? Or if they don’t share well by the time they are in preschool? Or if they don't know how to read by first grade? Spoiler alert: often nothing. Our bodies and brains have no appreciation for checklists and every kid achieves at their own pace. At each of these junctures in life, we are reminded that everyone has their own path. Some folks walk sooner, others spell later, and still others learn to tie their shoes in their own unique way. Despite this, it doesn’t stop adults from putting additional pressure on children and teens to fit the mold. These children often turn into teens and then young adults that internalize the feeling that there is some inescapable certain fate attached if they don’t achieve every milestone as you transition to adulthood.
The impact of checklists is often easiest to identify when you don’t measure up, however those who appear to meet the standards of the checklist are affected as well. The thing about checklists is that they absolutely give you a comfortable sense of direction and accomplishment. When you use them as a road map, it can feel awesome that you are in the right place and doing exactly what you need to be doing. What’s so wrong with that? Well let’s imagine that you are driving, following the directions given by your GPS. As you are traveling, suddenly your GPS application stops working. Most of us would panic and frantically try to get it to start working. Perhaps we’d even pull over and ask for directions from someone friendly and more knowledgeable. I would imagine that there are very few of us in modern times who would try to chart our own path to our destination. Now I say “us”, because I have no intention to chart my own path from here to Manhattan, New York without help. My sense of direction is underdeveloped, to put it gently. Perhaps this example gives us the best insight into how easy it is to get used to following directions or a set of given steps. At some point, you stop even trying to pave your own way.
When it comes to our lives and future we are moving towards, there really is no one checklist that can be given to each and every high school student and be correct every time. Imagine you really are trying to get to New York City and the whole time you are following someone else’s road map to Miami! Or you are going to the same place, but you wanted to take the scenic route from San Francisco to Los Angeles and you ended up following someone else’s set of directions which put you on congested highways, lacking the beautiful coastline you had your heart set on.
“Stop measuring yourself against “their” standards. You are not “them” and can never measure up. Neither can “they” measure up to yours – nor should they. Once you see this simple, rather self-evident truth, accept it, and believe it, your inferior feelings will vanish.”
This is a common difficulty as studies indicate that somewhere between 20-50% of college students enter college undecided and as many as 75% of high school graduates feel unprepared to make college or career decisions post-graduation (Post Graduation Readiness Report, 2019, 2020, 2021, and 2022). In spite of or perhaps because of our checklist culture, emerging adults often find it difficult to make choices beyond the checklist.
The problem with checklists is that they are not universal. It’s not that checklists are never helpful. It’s just that their usefulness runs out at some point for many people and for others, they were never the best way to measure their progress. The truth is that ultimately you are on your own path competing against the most recent version of yourself to improve per your own standards and move towards the goals that you personally value. There is no generally accepted checklist that can tell you what your next best steps are. That can be both potentially frightening AND invigorating. Without a checklist, we lose the security of the illusion that we know what to do next and we gain the freedom to become who we desire to be. I encourage you to allow yourself to get uncomfortable enough to allow yourself your unique journey, your unique way. It would be hypocritical to say here are the generic steps for how to chart your path. However, there are some important considerations that may make your path clearer.
Consider what you want to do.
Don’t just limit this to what career may appeal to you. What kind of person do you want to be? Where would you like to live? What kind of life might you want to lead? When you think of the future you, who are you with? These questions may sound lofty, but the more that you can consider where you might find yourself in 5, 10, or 20 years, you will better know what kinds of decisions to make. The path of a future lawyer who wants to maintain their love for surfing is going to need a much different checklist than might a future surf shop owner who also loves surfing or a future lawyer who prefers the fast past of city life over ocean views. You want your personal checklist to reflect your personal path.
2. Determine where you would get information about where to go next that’s specific for you.
Many times it is helpful to get detailed information about the general path from where you are now to where you are going from those who have walked similar paths before you. Please keep in mind that (as I detail later) the keyword in the previous sentence is “similar”. You will have to make room for all of who you are to add nuance and make it your journey.
3. What are some of the things that are required for where you may want to go
Once you have an understanding of what it generally takes to get where you want to go, you can list them in order of importance or required sequence. Take into account what is considered the traditional path may not be necessary or desirable to you. You may find that you enjoy taking a different path or that the things that some find critical are actually not required. This doesn’t mean that you ignore the traditional path; just that you want to research it and allow yourself room to consider whether it’s a fit for you.
4. What about your personality, values, and goals might change the path you walk
When you are doing your research, always take into account the perspective of the source of your information. Are you asking a person who is happy with their life and their journey? Are you asking a person who works more or less than you’d like to? Are you asking a person who values overachievement? A good understanding of the perspectives and values that led them to and through their path will help you determine how best to tailor your checklist for yourself (rather than walk their path).
Navigating without a checklist and charting a path that fulfills you can be hard. Especially when your life up to this point has been very precisely dictated to you. Support can be a crucial part of your journey. Reach out to those who love you and those who you trust. Setting aside concentrated time to discuss and plan your personalized path from here to a future of your own. If you and those you love and trust need support in charting the path forward, email info@livewellbhctr.com to find out more about how to join the Wayfinders Group.
